”It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.”
Samuel Butler, The Way of All Flesh, Chapter 77

That quote seems to sum it up for me. On Friday, after I had dinner with Loreley, I came out and told her that I loved her. I was debating to say it because I was truly scared of that feeling of loving her. The reason....she wants to transfer to another school once she finishes at the local community college, Piedmont. She says that she doesn’t want to stay in Virginia anymore and she wants to get out and travel. She doesn’t want to settle here. She’s been looking at colleges in California, Chicago, and Ohio to name a few.

So I’ve been asking myself, what’s the point of loving someone when you know they are going to leave in a year/year in a half? What’s the point of getting close to someone when you know it will only break your heart when you know they are going to leave. Hey, things can change between now and that point. She may decide to stay in the state. But somehow I don’t believe it. She’s only 19 and she wants to do so many things before she “settles down”.

So what did she say when I told her those three words? Well, she gave me that deep look she gives, smiled and told me that she was happy to know that I felt that way, and gave me a big hug. She didn’t reply back with those words, though I won’t push her to say them. Maybe she hasn’t gotten to that point yet in our relationship. I’ve heard that there are some people who can’t even say them and may never say them. With her, it’s hard to tell how she feels. I can only assume that I make her happy enough to stay with me.

I realize how love can be one of the scariest things in this world. It comes easy to me when I say “I love you” to my family and friends. However, when it comes to being in love, it’s much more difficult to say. Other than Loreley, I can honestly say that I’ve only been in love with one other person, which I considered my first love. Yet, you can never fall out of love with that person that easily. You just move on until you find someone else to love, but you never forget it.

When I told her I loved her, Loreley asked me why. I told her that I feel empty, that empty feeling in your stomach when she’s not around and when I do see her, I have butterflies in my stomach in the excitement in seeing her every time again. I don’t know if she felt that I was genuine when I told her. I can only wonder if that was how she felt with her previous love, whom she almost married.

Love can be frustrating and wonderful. Yet how can you define it, feel it, make it true? That’s why love can be the scariest thing in the world. So what Samuel Butler says true in that it's better to love than never at all?