WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

So I go into town today to do some errands and shopping. I decide not to shave because it is the only day I don't need to. I shaved off my goatee yesterday so I look like my 12 year old self as usual. So anyway I go into town, unshaven and I haven't ironed my clothes. I look like crap! My first order of business is to get a hair cut! So I do and I wait for an hour to get it done. Next I go by Sam's Club and eat lunch. YES....I ate lunch at Sam's Club....it has great pizza. After I finish, I buy a couple of DVD's and leave. I then go to the Mall and this is where I ask myself....WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

I go into the Mall, and I am walking past one of those Jeweler's shops. As I am passing it, there is a woman who is turned away from me and I am curious to see what she looks like. Well, I got my wish! Just as I was about to pass, she turns around and I am directly in front of her. She see's me and I just stand there like a deer caught in headlights!!! She is gorgeous.....long brunette hair, beautiful light green eyes, a face of an angel, dressed in a knee length black dress that shows off her curvaceous body! I also notice she has a tongue stud as she begins to ask me something! ;)

At that moment I knew she worked for the Jeweler shop beause she asked me if I wanted to buy something or get a credit card or credit for jewelery. I don't know what it was! I didn't really pay attention to what she said but I was still in shock that she actual spoke to me. How could I....I was so nervous. I finally said something...which I don't know if it made sense! I think I said that I didn't have anybody to give jewerly to. She then said that it doesn't matter, just so I sign up......which I still don't know what it was!!! I didn't know what to say or do at this point other than babble something so incoherent that I could get away with some dignity. I finally said....Well, let me come back and I'll think about. She then proceded to give me those "Please, pppplllleeeassseee" eyes that have a sparkle in them and say that she needed this! I then proceded to walk away!

After I walked away.....I realized how much of a dork I felt like! I also realized that I haven't shaved so I must look like an escapee, I just had a haircut so I probably have tiny little hairs on me, and probably pizza breathe from eating before! I just can't seem to win these days with impressing or meeting girls/women! Well, I didn't return the same direction to run into her again. I just went by on the other side hoping that she didn't see me! In my head, I could hear myself say that WHAT A DORK!

I tell you, I just can't seem to win! As another example, what's even worse, I can't even get a date through web personal ads. I emailed three woman....two never replied back and one I think doesn't want to talk to me because I asked her if she knew my cousin. Don't ask.....long story! So I ask you, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME??? I would ask God that question but lately I beginning to think God is a woman and she is playing games with me!

So could anybody....ANYBODY....tell me what the hell is wrong with me????? PLEASE?