BLONDES!

I actually heard on the radio this morning that scientists predict that blondes (or blonde hair to be exact) with be gone or extinct in about 200 years! Makes you think does in it!!! Damn, no more blonde jokes!! Ahh well, doesn't bother me really! I prefer red heads anyway!

WE WON!

We finally won our second game! Actually we only won because the other team had to forfeit. They didn't have enough people to play tonight! Well...we'll take them any way we can!
We still decided to play a scrimage against them. We did win but very close in the end. I ended up hurting my leg again!

I still need that drink! I think there is some Vodka some where in the house! That's what my mom told me anyway!

IN THAT MOOD

In one of those meloncholy moods tonight! Makes me wish I drank alcohol. At least I could dull the senses.....and let go of my norm....for just a little while anyway! Ahh...simple pleasures!

Someone asked me today why I post my journal online! She said she couldn't understand why I would post my life for everyone to read! EXACTLY!!!! I want to post my life to everyone!
I thought it was wierd too at first. What got me started was a webcam site called Jennicam.com! Jennicam was a site devoted to one young woman.....Jenni.....who ran webcams all over her place! Let's just say.....I saw a lot! However it let me inside the world of another person 24 hours a day! Yes, you can say it's voyeurism! But I thought it was a great idea!!!
In the last year though, I found that some of my friends were popping up with their own journals online. I decided to read them and I got hooked! I couldn't help but read each entry, waiting and wanting to read more about what goes on in thier lives! At some point, I decided to create one of my own!

Here are the reasons why I did so:

1. It's a way to communicate my thoughts and ideas on certain subjects....like right now. I'm not one that usually blurts out what I think or feel so this is much easier and it allows others to "put their two cents in"!

2. It is much easier on here to get out how I feel, ie.....emotionally. It is not easy for me to vent to someone in person than it is on here. I tend to hold in my thoughts and emotions in. Sometimes I feel like I'm holding in too much anger and resentment and I have no form to release it. I'm hoping from this that I can deal with telling what's on my mind up front to people then just turning around and leaving.

3. I want people to get to know me. I don't open up to people much or easily. There are a few that I tend to relate to but not many. And even those that I do open too, I still tend to keep a lot in. I have a dark side that no one knows about!!!

4. I was hoping from this that I can learn more from other people. That is why I added the comments in. I do enjoy having conversations and debates with others. However, I'm still hoping for more imput!

5. Believe it or not......I have a poor memory!!!

So those are my reasons. I hope you understand what I have just tried to explain to you! I'm not afraid to know that people are reading this. Actually quite the opposite...I really enjoy it! So.....there!

WIERDIEST DREAM

I'm sure everyone has had wierd dreams before. I just wanted to share mine! You can laugh at me because I know you will.

I dreamt I was in the Civil War fighting vampires inside a sand dune castle!!!

For the love of God, can someone please tell me what the HELL that means??? Alright...you can now laugh at me!!!

Just another lazy Sunday!!! Not much to do on a lazy day like this! Actually, I came into town to watch my company play softball. Our game that we were suppose to have was rain out and rescheduled for last Sunday. That too was rained out and scheduled for today! However, though I was not going to play today, since I wanted to rest my leg after pulling a muscle, it didn't matter much since when I got there, it started raining!!!! We are never going to be playing this game!!! Well, I don't think it matters since we SUCK!!!!

So after standing there at the field, with no one around, I went to Wally World (Wal-mart) to get a few things! When I got there I got caught up in the idea of Halloween! Actually my idea was to buy and bring candy to work and share with fellow co-workers. It's good to brown nose!!! While driving I had the wierd idea of using the candy to get to know my co-workers better. I would tell them they could have a piece of candy only if they tell me something about them, a story, or even a joke! We'll see how long that works!!!

Anyway, I have been thinking of a lot of other things lately, which would be too long right now to talk about! I will save them for later! Not much in the mood to talk now really!

Oh, just one last issue that I would like to present! I'm glad to know that more and more people are curious about my journal and are reading it! I would like to express my joy to those reading from LONGWOOD UNIVERSITY! I'm happy to know that you are still in my life, even though neither of us cannot say the words! You are always welcome in my kingdom!

I'm going down to Newport News for my grandma's birthday! If you need to get in touch with me.....TOUGH!!! You have to wait till I get home tonight.....but you can leave a message at home and maybe I'll get back to you!

WILL THE INSANITY PLEASE STOP!

So, we lost again last night in softball! We played 3WV, the local radio station here in Charlottesville, and lost 13 to 6! What's worse is that I pulled a muscle in my leg! It really hurts like hell now! 3WV was gloating this morning about the win on the radio!

I would also like to voice my anger this morning. On the news this morning, they had a story about a mother who severely beat her daughter in the parking lot of a mall. It was caught on camera and shown on the news this morning! The story is that a mother and child went into a department store to get cash exchange on a purchase. However, when the store did not allow the exchange, the mother stormed out with her kid to the parking lot. As they got to her vehicle, she put the kid into the truck, looked around, and then started beating the kid horribly! It was an outrage that a mother can do this! And now they can't find either the mother or the child and they need to get the child to the hospital for a checkup! Even my mom was downright pissed and she said she hoped they hang the b$%#h, which if you know my mom, she wouldn't say that even on her worst days!

MY ADDICTION

I have an addiction that I don't like to talk about. I haven't told anybody about this addiction of mine for the fear of being seen differently.....being mocked.....being laughed at and seen as an outcast! I don't know why I do it but I just do it. It scares the HELL out of me and I need help! My addiction is...is...


I'm addicted to reading the wedding's and engagements section of the Sunday paper! What? Did you honestly believe that I would be an addict of something like alcohol or drugs! I guess you don't know me that well as you thought!
Anyway....it's an odd addiction. Every Sunday I can't help but look at who is getting engaged or married! I think this started when I saw that an old classmate....who happened to be a girl that I liked.....was engaged! I keep wondering if I'm going to see someone that I know that is married! It's actually quite morbid when you think about it. When you see an ex that is about to get married, you can't help but wonder if it's true or not! The heart drops and you are in a total state of disbelief. It's a simple way to torture yourself!

Anyway...speaking of getting married, I know how women....or most women....like to think about their dream wedding! It's a magical dream to organize that perfect wedding! The guys, however, don't have anything much to do with it. Actually it's the guys who have to first pop the question before the woman can plan that perfect wedding! So the only thing that we guys have to think about is in what way do we pop the question to you! We try to be original and/or romantic!
Now you are probably asking where am I going with this? Actually, after talking about this with a friend of mine today, I know how I will pop the question!!!! I don't know if there is a rule that states you should tell people how you are doing but I will share with you on how I will do it!!!
The first thing you have to ask is where? The perfect place? That would be Disney World!!!! I know most women like to believe that they will find their Prince Charming or Knight in Shining Armor bit! Well, where else can you find Prince Charming then at Disney and the Disney Castle!!!!
So I would plan a trip down to Disney World with my future fiancee. As we are walking down Main Street, I would ask someone to take our picture in front of the Disney Castle! We would take a picture first and then I would then ask for another, so I can tell who is taking the picture what I'm about to do. I then go back with my girlfriend, pertend to fumble something, and then get on my knee. At this point I would tell her this:

"Would you let me be your Prince Charming in front of this magical kingdom for your hand in marriage?"

At that point, I would hopefully get a picture of me with my knee on the ground, looking up to my newly engaged...and crying...fiancee, with the Disney Castle in the background!

I know......it sounds cheesy! But what the hay!!! I'm a hopeless romantic!

NOW STOP CRYING!!!!!

THE VIRTUE OF LONELINESS

I am the center of the universe but I am alone.
I live within a world of solitude, a world of despair, a world of loneliness.
Loneliness is my purgatory, my hell, and my prison.
It makes me a hermit in seclusion in the lone mountain cave.
It makes me the stranded sailor on the deserted island in the vast sea of society.
I do not want to be in this prison of loneliness.
It is the hands of fate that is made my warden and keeps me locked away.
In the silence of the night before the twilight of sleep, my tears from loneliness fall upon my pillow.
These tears are brought forth by the thought of my loneliness from the day, the day before, and the day before that and continue into the shadow of my past.
I am a child without a friend, the lone child without anybody to play with on the playground.
I am a teenager without companions, the lone teenager without anybody to go to a party or mall with.
I am an adult without a soul mate, the lone adult without anybody to share his love and confession.
It is the love from family that I do not fall into the abyss of my loneliness.
It is their love, their strength, and their companionship that keep me alive at the loneliest times.
However I seek more, I want more, to become more than the loneliness.
To have someone to talk to in time need.
Someone to have fun with, without the need to ask.
Someone to be intimate with; to feel the physical pleasures of the body and mental wonders of the mind.
I seek either a friend a friend or an intimate companion to be with, so I will not feel this deep urge of loneliness within myself.
My only fear is that I will spend my whole life in this state of loneliness.
I fear the feeling that I will live alone and die alone.
The center of the universe is perhaps the loneliest place to be.
The truth to life is to expect loneliness.
In life, people come into it but you never get a chance to get to know them until they leave from your life.
Family is the only part of life that does not leave.
Loneliness is brought on by the expectation to keep a friendship forever.
It is only in death that loneliness will not exist.

I dedicate this poem to all my single women friends out there! I know how lonely it is to not have someone with you in your life. No one to hold you when you are down, no one to rub your hair when your head in his/her lap, no one to say that three words to lighten up your day! Its hard to be be alone and I should know....we all should know!
I should especially know......I was just told by the girl that I went on a date the other that she justs wants to be friends! Those words make you cringe when you hear them. I liked her but I guess I move on. I don't like it.....I feel horrible....but I know that I can move on! But I'm not going to lose hope or stop trying to find someone.

MY DATE!

Well, I had a date last night, which has been a long time coming! If you didn't hear about it, read the previous entry to know more!
Anyway, it started around 8 when I meet Amanda at a local store. She tried to tell me how to get to her house but I realized how futile it might have been to give me the directions after driving her back home. We went to the downtown mall to go have dinner and a movie. I didn't realize how crowded the Charlottesville Downtown Mall was on Friday nights!
We first stopped by "Christians", a pizza place right beside the movie theater to eat dinner. After we finished, I bought the tickets to see My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but we still had a hour to kill, which we did by having a varied conversation from family to doing unusal things to be rebel!!!
I thought the movie was great! I was a true funny film as compared to current ones playing. It is actually doing well for the amount it was made on! It has been getting great reviews and that is why I wanted to see it!
Anyway, after the film, we went outside to find that police were outside. We walked down further to see a cop wiping the ground with blood on it. We overheard someone say that someone had falling out of a third story window! That is why I don't like to go down to the Downtown Mall.
I then drove Amanda home. This is where it got tricky! She lives out in the middle of nowhere! I was praying after I dropped her off that I could find my way back! What was even worse was that I was almost running on empty!
Overall, I thought the date went great and I thought Amanda was great! She loves to talk and have a conversation! I was worried that I said to much to her throughout the date! As you all may know.....or don't know for that fact.....I'm not very good on dating! But I'm trying to do my best! I'm just a late bloomer in this area!

WE GOT SPANKED!!!

NOT LITERALLY!!!! JUST METAPHORICALLY!!!

I guess no one really wished us luck last night! Though we played a good game, we lost terribly! Not only did we lose, but some of us, including yours truly, got hurt! I happened to fall twice on my face!!! The first time was after I got on base. The women behind me hit an infield hit. Once I saw that, I ran like Hell to second. Of course when I got to base, I trip over it and landed on my face! After I realized that I feel, I started to get up quickly to get back but was tagged! I scraped up my knee and bruised my ego!!!
The second time I feel was when I was in the out field! A ball was hit near my direction and I ran to block it and catch it. Just as I was almost there.....I feel again! I just don't what happened!!!! I was just having a bad night!
Well, the good news is I have a date tonight! Yes...a date! Her name is Amanda and I meet her through Match.com! Actually it's funny, she happens to be a friend of one of my teammates and actually came to the last game that we played at Piedmont! She came to last night's game to watch! Afterwards, we talked for about an hour! We are going out tonight.....SO WISH ME LUCK!!!!

SEPTEMBER 12

I know....nothing really special about today! I'm just glad that Sept. 11th has passed. Though I do remember the events of Sept. 11th and hold it in my heart, this anniversery has just been overloading me will all the special events! Overkill, I say!
Anyway, not much is going on. I have a softball game tonight. I know we are going to get slaughtered tonight, since we are playing the first place team in our division......and unbeaten! Wish us luck anyway!

So it's been a so so weekend in of sorts!

I decided to rent a couple movies this weekend, Hart's War, which I thought wasn't very good, and The Majestic, which I found to be more than I expected. It stars Jim Carrey (as Peter Appleton/Luke), who plays a black listed writer in 1950's Hollywood, and the gorgeous Laurie Holden (Adelle), who plays Jim's love interest. In the movie, Jim, who after is told he has been black listed, gets drunk, has a accident, and is swept out to sea. The next day he wakes up on the beach with amnesia, so he doesn't know who he is. He is found by a resident from a near by town and takes him to see a doctor. After he gets into the near by town, people think that he is Luke, a MIA soldier lost in World War II (9 years ago) and the son of a local movie theater owner, which is called The Majestic.
Over all I thought the movie was pretty good. We all know that Jim Carrey as the outrageous, physical comedian in movies like Ace Ventura and The Cable Guy, but has also played serious roles like that in The Truman Show. He tried to do a serious role in this movie too!
There was one scene in the movie that I liked that was both romantic and funny! When we first see Laurie Holden (Odelle), we learn her character had just gotten back from graduating from Law school, but also that she had a problem with hickup-ing when she was nervous! Since Odelle and Luke were in love and both knew each other very well, it was thought that if Odelle showed Peter/Luke all the places that they both went to, it would jog Luke's memory!
One of the places that they went to was atop of a lighthouse as they were overlooking the sun light. Odelle turns to Peter/Luke and says do you remember this place, but Luke doesn't. So she tells him this is where they had their first kiss. At this point the mood of both seems nervous, because of them rekindling romance, and this is where Odelle starts to hickup! Luke asks her is there a way to stop them and she proceeds to tell him that there was only one way that she knew how to stop it when she was with him. As he begins to ask what, she grabs him and gives him a long embracing kiss. She then pulls away and it actually stops the hickups!
So in my book, I thought that was one of the most romantic scenes I have seen. To think that some one could have an affect that on you is very romantic! The only romantic thing I can think of in my live happened to me on Halloween in 1998, but that is whole different story that I'll leave for another time. But don't you wish that you can emulate the movies when it comes to romance. In the movies it seems so perfect and right!

So in other news that I can share, on Saturday night, my mom went to her 25th reunion for high school! When they came back that night they told me what happened when they were coming back home. On their way home, they hit a deer! They were alright but a cop had to shoot the deer to keep it from suffering! My mom then proceeded to tell me while they were waiting for the police and others who had stopped to help. A couple of three older teenagers, two guys and girl, had stopped and helped them while waiting. Apparently, they were from the area, Lake Monticello, in which I lived and they happened to know who my mom was since they have seen her walking with her cousin in the evenings. My mom told me that she heard the girl turn to one of the guys who said who recognized my mom, and she yelled out "Hey, that's your girlfriend!!!" Apparently the young guy had told his friends that he was enamored with my mom after seeing her walking at the Lake! I didn't believe it when she told me either!!! I thought she was just bullshitting me the story! Well, a lot of people tend to think as my mom as being really young looking! I don't know what that would make me!

Anyway, there is one thing that I do like to say in venting. Has anybody noticed that networks are bringing back old cartoons that we grew up on! I'm sure everyone knows about Transformers growing up. They have a new cartoon on them now called "Transformers Armada". Last night though, I just saw the new "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe" cartoon! Is it me or are the networks and the people who make cartoons are just not coming up with any new ideas of their own. Do they have to use or most cherished and loved cartoons that we grew up on and just tweak them for this new generation of children? They just don't have the feel that I had for the old ones!!! I'm just so disappointed right now! I would really be outraged if they started to come out with new shows on "GI Joe".....or better yet...."Care Bears", "Strawberry Shortcake" and "My Little Pony". Well, maybe not the last three but you get the idea...right?

We lost again last night in softball! The final score was 15 them and 9 us! This makes us now 1 and 4 in the records! I went 1 for 1 in the game and overall my average is 3 for 4, or .750 if you keep stats! I have to admit though, it was a good game! But who cares right?

Ok, so I freely admit that I watched the finale of American Idol last night! I never really got into the idea when it started. I thought it was one of these God awful reality shows that have been coming out lately! Honestly, I do watch The Real World (which I do know that it is not that real) and Survivor! But for every one reality show that I think is good, they have out three that I thought were terrible....ie....Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire, Temptation Island, and most recently Celebrity Boxing! You have to wonder where are society is going when they make such quality programming these days! Speaking of how our society is viewed, I can't help but remember my time down in the Bahamas a couple of years ago! I went to Andros island, one of the island in the Bahamas, for a class trip! They had only a few televisions there and all I saw on television was The Jerry Springer Show, WWF, and constant news about Clinton and Monica affair! When I was there, I couldn't help but think...."Is this how the Bahamians see Americans!"

But anyway, back to my point with American Idol. I thought that both Kelly and Justin sang beautifully and Kelly does deserve being the winner of it. It seems to me tha the central theme of reality tv these days is to make celebrities from nobodies! TV can offer you your 15 minutes of fame now! I'm just wondering how far the networks will go to bring you your 15 minutes of fame. Can Kelly last that long and will we remember this in 5,10, or 20 years?

So other news......well with me. I'm still looking for personals on Match.com. Not much luck......I'm getting fed up with waiting for women to respond. I'm actually wondering if the picture that I have on my personal is scaring off the women.....I have my goatee and my face looks a little red! Oh well, when it happens, it happens.....right? I'm in no hurry.....welllllll....maybe a little.

Has everybody heard of Classmates.com. You can look for old classmates from high school or college. I decided to register on there but for 36 dollars a year, you have the ability to email other classmates and write a biography of yourself! I thought about it myself. Actually there happens to be someone I had a crush on for 4 years in High School, Brandy Jenkins, who is on there! I heard that after she graduated from High School, she married her boyfriend and went to Californina. However, recently, I heard that they got a divorce! I might see what happens!

Tonight I have a softball game! Wish me luck!

You know that old saying...."You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family." Well, I wish I could say I can pick my family.

I went to a family dinner over the weekend to celebrate my aunt and uncle's birthday! We had a lot of family members to help in the festivities, including my second cousin, Shirley. Shirley is a very conservative Christian, in her fifties, who likes to spout lines of Christan love to all her family. She's the type that goes over to everybody to give them a big hug and kiss. At first she may seem like the one who loves everybody.....but I saw a dark terrible side of her this weekend.
A few of us were sitting around in the foray, including me, Shirley, my great Aunt Nanny, and my cousin Dee and her boyfriend. Well, at one point, Dee asked me how my friend, Luis, was doing. I told her that he was fine last I heard, and engaged to his boyfriend....yes, he is gay. But you know it doesn't really matter to me....I love the guy, he's one of my best friends, and I'm happy for him. Dee knows that my friend is gay but somehow Shirley overheard this. It was at this point that I felt angry and appauled with Shirley. She blatently yelled out that he is going to HELL! I was so angry with her because of this outburst....and she has even meet him before. She even said she liked him....everybody did when they meet him. Even though I respect the opinions and lives of others, I just could not feel any sympathy for her or her beliefs. It is my belief and opinion that everybody has the right and free will to believe in what they want, who they are, and what they do. The only thing that really matters is that someone's free will should not alter or interfere with the free will of others.
Just wait....there's more! I start to say that Luis is one of the most spiritually blessed people I know and that he is Catholic. Well, she had words to say about Catholics too. She said that they were evil and are not true Christians and that they did some aweful atrocities! I was continually appauled!!!!! First of all, almost every culture, creed, and nationality have committed some sort of atrocity at some point...not just Catholics. Secondly, I don't know if she realized this when saying that, but we were in the home of my cousin and her husband Bruno.....and Bruno is Catholic, and so are my family memebers on my dad's side, including my grandmother who Shirley has meet. Shirley is on my mom's side of the family.
It hurt me deeply to hear this from her! Now I should understand, and everybody who reads this, that my family is very narrow-minded and not open to many facet's of the world. I understand that they are crude in their views and beliefs and I respect them for that. However, when someone like Shirley blatent shouts out her bigoted views, it hurts me deeply. I am open minded and I many types of friends......straight, gay, bi, white, black, asian, hispanic, Protestant, Catholic, Jew, Muslim, Wiccan, poor, rich.......and it all doesn't matter to me but their character!
So, I feel I must apologize to my friend Luis for this. I love you man and I am sorry that you have to hear this but I wanted to let you know. And please don't judge my family.....not everyone believes what Shirley believes. And to everyone else, I wanted you to know that I am not one to judge on belief and custom. I judge by character and that's how should be in a perfect world. But we all know that this is not a perfect world that we live in.