Just came from sledding with a few people behind the company building that I work for. I don't think there was anyway to get into trouble because my supervisor, the Merchandising Director, and the Vice President of Marketing suggested it! Even the President of the company came out and watched us!!! I haven't been sledding in a long time! IT was fffffuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnn!!!!

So I made it into work today, even though it seems like half of Charlottesville doesn't have to be. Both my folks are off today, but I felt bad because my father had to drive me into work today, since my car is getting a state inspection. He has to stay in town all day because of me. Why can't I just get a government job and stay home when the weather gets bad like this???
As for the weather, I hope it doesn't get any worse. My cousin Dee was going to throw a birthday party for her four year daughter, Courtney, this Saturday. However, she believes she may have to cancel it. She was expecting to have it at a local skating ring....rollar skating that is. God knows every time I put on rollar skates, I immediately fall on my ass everytime. Because of that fact, I was not planning on going to the party. However, Courtney is such the cutest kid! My mom actually took her to the SPCA on Wednesday after asking what Courtney wanted to do for her birthday. Mom told me that she had no fear whatsoever there and just put her hand in every cage to pet all the dogs. Mom has always been deathly afraid of dogs, so I'm sure she had alot of anxiety when Courtney touched the dogs.
Anyway, I will actually be moving near them this year, once my house is finished being built. It will be strange to be living within a one mile radius of my mom's family. I guess I should start remembering all my cousin's names that live there. I'm serious when I say I meet a new cousin every time I go see them.

Well, it's still snowing!!! God, make it stop!!!!

Ok....so I hope you enjoy the new template. I have added links to several other journals, under "Followers of Zardoz"! Also, if you wish to email me, just Speak to Zardoz! I hope comments work too! If you want to comment..."Speak your Mind?"

Decided to make a few changes to the journal!

Death, Laughter, and Insanity

It's a sad day in the neigborhood! An American television icon, Mr. Rogers, died recently. Even if we didn't watch him, we know who was and that song, "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...". We grew up watching him and Sesame Street and Captain Kangaroo, and they tried to teach us what was right. I wonder when...if....we have children, will they have someone like him teaching them what is right and wrong.

Anyway, switching the subject, has anybody been watching the show,"I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here"! It's a total laugh, but not because it's funny to watch, but because the name of show is completely hysterical! In the show, they have "supposed" celebrities camp in the rainforest of Austrialia, do some wierd trials of endurance, and have the country call and pick who wins to be King/Queen of the Jungle for charity. I laugh at it only because who is a Celebrity on there!!! All they are are a bunch of washed up has-beens or unknown wannabe's! I'm sure everybody knows who Robin Leech is....he had a show called "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous". But that was in the 80's.....how is a celebrity now. There's "Downtown" Julie Brown, known only for her work on MTV when it first came out in the early 80's. Then there are people like Cris Judd....who's only claim to fame was that he married, and may I remind you for a only a short time, to Jennifer Lopez! Also there is Melissa Rivers, who is only doing this so she can probably get out of her mother's shadow, Joan Rivers. This show is just bad...like so many reality shows nowadays! They need to rename it "I'm a wannabe celebrity, please watch us"!

Also.....I want to add....I'M SO F&#KING SICK OF THE SNOW!!!! How long till spring begins?

Movie whore learning HTML

Yes, quite a title for this entry I must say, but quite true. I saw Daredevil last night. I thought it was okay. It doesn't compare to Spiderman though. I don't know if I can picture Ben Afflack as a vigilante superhero type. I'm sure he can pass for the hunky romantic comedian. I liked him in all the Kevin Smith movies such as Dogma and Chasing Amy. Speaking of Kevin Smith, aka Silent Bob, he had a scene in the movie. However, it was so short of a scene, I wanted to see more of Kevin Smith. I also thought they should have had more of Micheal Clarke Duncan, as Kingpin. He makes a great villian. However, I thought the most redeming part was Colin Farrell, who plays Bullseye. I didn't care for much of the Recruit, which he was in, but I think he is....and will be...a great actor.
Today, I went to see Chicago. I have to say that I liked it. I'm sure many of you know it's based on a musical. After seeing this movie, I really want to see the play. There aren't many musicals that I like. The last one I saw was Moulin Rouge, which I thought was terrible. The music wasn't too terribly bad....the only song piece that I liked was when the Argintinian guy started singing "Roxanne" in that bass voice of his. However, for Chicago, I thought the musical numbers were awesome. All of them, especially with Catherine Zeta Jones and Renee Zelwigger (please excuse the spelling) were just so sexy and hypnotic with their singing. Anyway, I would like to go the muscial play version of Chicago someday.
After the movie, I finally decided to buy a book on HTML. I've been wanting to tweak my journal a bit by adding links to other journals. I know a few people that can help me with this but I want to learn on my own. I'm sure if I can learn enough, I can create my own webpage. I was thinking of a title for it already. How does this sound....."The Magical World of Crispy". Sounds too Disney doesn't it?
Well, it's been raining all day. I was worried that our basement would flood from all this snow and rain. Actually while driving into town, much of the area was flooding. I was hoping that I wouldn't get washed away and disappear on my way home. But where's the fun in that?

For those that know me, you know that I am a picky eater. Well, I just found an article that might explain my behavior!!! The article, Pickyeaters at Higher Risk, will tell you about it. See....I'm not crazy!!!! It's not only me!!!!

I completed my CPR/First Aid training today! I'm now certified to save your life!

Good news, Good news, and Etiquette

Last night, I recieved an email from my friend Pat, who is 7 months pregnant. She wanted to share the good news that they found out that she is having a boy and they found a name for him! I wanted to congradualate her on the good news. But it doesn't end there! My friend, Frankie, who is also 7 months pregnant, sent me an email about her progress. Actually she sent a picture of her showing off her belly!!! She said she had gained 20 pounds and thought she looked terrible! But I didn't think so and so I sent her back an email saying that she looked gorgeous! I am extremely happy for both these two young women!

Also, I wanted to write about the etiquette of writing a journal. As my friend Meghan pointed out in a comment in my last journal, she said, "...rules of etiquette change when posting your journal in a public forum.". I like to say Meghan does make a valid point. Yes, I should have kept a level composure to my writing as a part to decent etiquette to a public forum. I'm sure like all other public mediums for free speech, proper etiquette is involved, such as message boards and public debates. These public forums are in control by the hands of many individuals that decide what can be said and what can be viewed.

However, I must state the point that forums that are runned by a single individual have the control of the etiquette that is involved. Are there proper rules of etiquette for an individual that writes in his/her own journal, a medium that I might add is also controlled by the individual. If the medium was run by the public, they can easily block or delete material that is not of proper etiquette of an individuals material or comment, which is decided by several individuals or company. With an individually runned medium, such as a journal, that individual has every right to say what he/she has to see without the worry of having another individual decided what is write or wrong. For example, WHICH I STATE I DO NOT AGREE WITH, are websites devoted to racial slander such as the Klu Klux Klan and Nazi propraganda. Can anybody say that they hold a degree of proper etiquette when they are stating their views? It's this situation that is often said as "Damned if you do, damned if you don't!" Free speech and proper etiquette do not have to be intertwined with each other.

Again, I have to ask what are the rules of etiquette for writing a journal? Yes, this journal is on a public forum which is called Blogger. However, that's where the similarities of public and private forum end. I state again that the individual has a right to say what he/she has to say in an individual medium. As a reader, they have a right to not read the journal. I have read many journals and all of them may have a form of etiquette or choose not to. I know with LiveJournal, doesn't the individual have a right to filter out who can comment their writings? I know another journal where the background has woman posing as a mermaid, being that she was fish-like from waist down and topless waist up! Is that proper etiquette? Other journals that I have read often go into great detail about the individuals private life, such as realationships and sex life. What is proper etiquette for them?

In coming back to me, I know that I should have shown more restraint on what I said. However, I did not name who I thought was the one who I thought was anonymously criticizing me. For that reason did I show etiquette for her out of respect. When I did found who was being anonymous, I apologized to that person, who came out to be Narintara. As for showing what you make call etiquette, I do not agree with because since this is my journal, I have the right to say what I have to say.

Thank you Meghan for bringing up the issue of etiquette in journal writing. Even though I disagree with her comment, I still respect her. Even though she criticized my etiquette of the past journal entries, for which she has every right too, she did so without being anonymous. Like I said before, I respect anybody that will criticize me openly without hiding behind a veil of anonmity. That is the point that I try to make.

When I make a mistake, I will be the first to admit that I was wrong. I am wrong in this case. I openly take responsibility for both my words and my actions. Metaphorically speaking, I walked into the firing squad on my own violition. I first want to apologize to that person, the one that I thought that wrote the criticism, the one that I did care about. I'm sorry that I thought it was you. I should have known better that it wasn't. However, know that I don't have any regrets for the rest of what I said. I had to say what was in my mind and heart. I had to say what I had to say.
I would also like to apologize to Narintara, my unknown reader. I am wrong for thinking that you were someone else. I'm sure after reading these entries, you probably think I am insane.....you are right. You and every reader have every right to not read my journal, and I wouldn't blame you if didn't, especially that person who I cared about.
I want to leave you all with some advice. Don't hold in any resentment or regret in your life. The more that you hold in, the more it poisons your soul and mind. I apologize for any speculation of doubt that I held but I do not regret my statements that I made.

For the last three days, I have been stuck inside from this recent snowstorm. When being stuck for that amount of time, you do a lot of thinking. Too much thinking can cause you to go insane after a while. I guess that is what this entry is about….my much anticipated insanity. Actually more to the point, it relates to the last entry, about my rant on Valentine’s Day.

In my last entry, I stated that I would not “rant and rave” about the day, but I did anyway. From an anonymous reader, this criticism was pointed out as a comment. However, I will not apologize for what I say. This is my journal and I have the right to say what I want, do I not? My purpose of this journal is let people to get to know me because I know I tend to keep to myself or shut myself off completely at times from most people.

Going back to the point, I wanted to say that I’m angry with the anonymous reader that made the comment. It’s not the fact that this person made the comment, but that the reader tried to hide behind the secrecy of being anonymous. I know for a fact that this reader has made past criticizing remarks with other entries also trying to be anonymous, but never any supportive remarks. I have to ask the reader the purpose for such anonymity when reading my journal?

The first comment made by Billy Bob Baker was honest I felt. That reason being was because I made that comment. I use that name as sort of a rebuttal to myself, or figuratively speaking, I’m kicking myself in the ass over it after realizing that I put my foot in my mouth. I realize it may sound unusual…insane really…but I do it for my personal reasons. I’m sometimes at odds with myself and it’s in this way I can analyze what I said and get over it.

However, from the other comment, the reader tried to be anonymous. What the reader failed to realize though is that they might not be totally anonymous when they make a comment. After making a comment, the reader’s IP address shows up with the comment. I can compare this IP address to Site Meter, a site that records the Domains of each reader that links to my journal. There are a few domains that I cannot narrow down who the readers are, such as aol.com. However, when I know who has what IP address with the domain, I know who reads my journal. This unknown reader is not anonymous to me anymore because I found the domain that they use and I know of one person who reads my journal from that domain, lwc.edu.

Now I may be mistaken by this guess, but I know this person. Actually a young woman, who I had in my life over a year ago, but our paths went separate ways when I ended our relationship in late 2000. I can honestly say that she was my first relationship, my first love. To this day, I regret the way I ended things with her, I regret letting her go, and hurting her. Now that our paths have gone in separate directions, this last year, I had hoped to have a friendship with her just recently. I have tried subtly send messages to her like emailing her a few times to get a dialogue going but it just seems to be that awkward, “How are you doing, How is everybody doing?” talk. I didn’t want to push it too much. I’ve tried other ways just to bring in on my life. I still see her screen name on my AIM, so I hoped if she saw that I had a link to my journal in my AIM profile, she would be curious to know how I was doing. It worked when I saw in Site Meter that her Domain, lwc.edu, was on there. Also, lately, I wanted to acknowledge her birthday by way of my journal and e-card.

So now that I find that she anonymously criticizes me in my journal, I am deeply hurt. When you find that someone that you loved and cared about….and still love and care about….does nothing but criticize your writing, I can’t help but feel angry and hurt. Not because of the fact that you criticized me, but because you try to hide your identity to me. As I think about it I know the hurt that I caused you when our relationship ended may not compare to the hurt I feel now but I know I was wrong when I did that and I still hold that regret. I know that we will never have a relationship again, but I wanted to believe that we could form a relationship out of friendship.

Now that I have completely opened up in this entry, I did not want to hold anything back. I’m tired of holding everything in, tired of the regrets, and tired of not saying anything. I have to ask, for what purpose do you anonymously criticize me? Is that the only reason that you read my journal, to find some to criticize about me and use that to hurt me? If so, you do a great job only because you hide behind a supposed veil of secrecy. I only respect those that have the decency to criticize and rebuke me openly. I still would like to be a friend but it does not seem fair when one of us will do so in trying.

This is ranting and raving and I have every right to do so in my journal.

Yes, today is Valentine's Day. Yes, whatever! Now I can rant and rave about this supposed holiday. I could argue that this, like everybody says, is just a Hallmark holiday. However, I could say that if I had someone special in my life, I would be celebrating it all together. No....I'm not doing either. To those that are reading this....those who have significant others or dates, I hope you have a great time.....and to those who don't, let's be optimistic about next year.
Anyway, I didn't even want to think about it today but a few things did have to bring me into the fold. I did get a Valentine e-card from a friend, in which I never expected to anyway. Also, when I got home, my mom had actually got my dad and I a Valentine gift. I told her before hand that I didn't want or expect anything.....but she did anyway. She got my father a framed picture of his favorite NASCAR driver.....Bill Elliot. She got me a DVD....."Sweet Home Alabama"! I was both thankful and resentful about the gift, because it was thoughtful of my mom to get me that but it also makes me feel how lonely I am to just get something from your mother. I'm not saying that I'm complaining. I'm guilty of not thinking about other people and sending them Valentine's notes/gifts.....but I have been asking myself what is the point. I try too hard remembering people's birthdays and it's a let down when they forget yours. So I think it's easier to not send anything to friends on Valentine's because I don't expect anything in return.
Anyway....I don't want to go down that road. I told myself I wouldn't rant or rave. I am going to go out to dinner with my parents after work to a nice restaurant. I will probably stop before hand to get some flowers for my mom.
Well...anyway, there's always next year!

I think I'm getting to a point of where caring too much is hurting me. I think the only way to stop that hurting is to stop caring. I wish it was only that simple.

I'm in the mood to hear from anybody! Write to me.... rcrispy@hotmail.com or rcrispy2001@yahoo.com or crice@international-auto.com. Just pick one....go ahead...I dare ya!

Well, it's official....I'm a property owner. I closed with the bank today to buy 2 acres of land in Albermarle Co., in the Blue Ridge Mountains about 20 minutes outside of Charlottesville. I don't think it's really sunk in yet. I hear from other people that they don't know many 25 year old's that own land or their own house. This summer I should start building my own house. Some would say this shows maturity....to those that think that, I say to them "Nany Nany Boo Boo! You don't have a house and I do!" I'm kidding...I'm kidding!
Anyway, I showed several co-workers the ideas of what to build. They offered a lot of insights to most of the plans that I didn't realize! It's going to be a hard choice of what to build!

The Adventures of a Home Owner!

Some of you know that I'm in the process of building my own home. It's a very long and tedious process. Right now I am really just starting. First I have to buy some land, which I will do by buying 2 acres from my uncle. I will be closing this deal with the bank on Monday!
In the mean time, I have been looking at designs for building homes. I was looking into both log cabins and stick built (wood) homes. I've been meeting several places and people about log cabins these past few weeks. I decided not to go with a log cabin because the insurance is very high for them, being both a fire hazard and acceptable to termites. So, it's come down to deciding on a stick built house. I found a lot of designs for them. I found a website, Homeplans.com, and found several that I liked. I think the one that I most like is this, Plan # VL-947, a Victorian style 2 Bed, 1 Bath home. I'm sure I'll tweak it here and there but the plan should stay the same. There were other plans that I like too so it is hard to decide right now on which one I like. I keep changing my mind with this.
So those that are reading this, go check out both the website and take a look at the plans. I'm mainly looking for something less than a 1000 sq. ft, with 2 bed and 1 bath. I would like to hear all of you all's opinons?

Want to see the world light up? Check this site out. It's a pretty interesting link!

Everybody keeps telling me that I have a stupid grin on my face all the time. I can't help it that I smile so much. It's not like I'm happy all the time. I battle the shitty and meloncholy moods too like everybody else, but I don't really show it! I guess the way I look at it is if you smile to someone, it brightens their day a little bit longer, right? NO....not really. I just like getting people paranoid!!! Smiling makes me look more devious and mysterious. Yeah, that's it.....more mysterious!

QUOTE OF THE DAY!

The most popular guy in the nudist camp is the one who can carry two cups of coffee and a half dozen donuts at one time.

It's amazing how listening to Disco music, such as ABBA, while at work can make your day go by faster! Just be careful not to sing "Dancing Queen" out loud so that your co-workers can hear you!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDA!!!

I find it easier to talk to God in the arms of nature with it's solitude. Last night I got to do that after coming home from a friends house last night. A few miles away from where I live, there is a fishing pond. In the summer, I occasionally go there during the night, when it's still with silence. Actuallly that's not really true! I can hear the crickets sing in harmony, the sound of the water draining into the well in the lake, and hear the trees whisper as the wind blows them side to side. Though there is a road next to it and an occasional car passes by, it's easy to get lost in the silence. I can see the lights of the houses that are on the one side of the lake. I will look up to the heavens and see the billions of stars that blanket the dark sky above and they multiply in the reflection of the lake before me.

As I said before, I actually went there last night. It's often too cold to do it in the winter so I usally have to wait until spring. With the weather actually a bit warmer, I decided to just seek out this solitude last night. I spent a few minutes there to reflect what has happened with the Columbia and just wanted to talk with God about life. I don't think I can do that in church as most people would believe.

For the longest time, I just stared out at the vast night sky in reflection. I could feel that there were several new stars up there in honor of the astronauts. I could just feel that each star is all our ancestors, looking down upon us in both hope and confusion for our future. Our destiny belongs out there, to explore the far depth of not only physical space, but of the space that lies within us we call the human mind and emotion.

Even though it was only a few minutes that I was there, it helped calm my heart and soul. It's often a struggle to deal with hardships and whine over missed opportunities, but in this way, it helps with meditation. I found that in solitude, even though it's very lonely, you often find more of yourself in those moments.

I had a date with Stacey last night. We started out by going to the Outback, but when we got there, it was a 70 to 80 minute wait! We both agreed we couldn't wait that long! So as we came out, I saw a place called Winner's Circle Grill. It was a racing themed restaurant located at Albermarle Square. Kelly...you would like it!!! After finishing, we went to see The Recruit, starring Al Pacino and Colin Farrell. I have to say it was just a big yawn after seeing it. My biggest quip is that Colin Farrell seems to not shave throughout the whole movie! After that, we went back to her place and video games with her roommate until 11:30!

In other news, it sad to hear that the Space Shuttle Columbia is reported as missing and thought to have exploded! Such saddness for all because I remember where I was when I heard about the Challenger explosion. I know this will not be good for our space programs. I just hope it's not terrorist related with it being a Jewish astronaut on this mission. I am watching the news right now and all they show is a huge fire ball falling to earth. Words cannot begin to explain the saddness of this.